we are back ladies and gentlemen! and today i must discuss something that i love. one of my favorite hobbies growing up would be to ride the nyc subways from first stop to last. it created such peace and tranquility within my young life. as an adult the train is filled with more moments of frustration and comedy more then anything else. so i present to to you the 5 most interestingly funny acts seen while riding the train!!

5. Faux Super Standers
I used to ride the 7 train everyday to work and there was this one woman. she was very small in stature and never smiled. as most early morning new yorkers she had her newspaper in hand and purse between her legs. The train would move she would stand and not budge an inch. immovable! then there are those other folks. swear that they could be like our immovable super stander but, no sir! they start jolting, landing on the seated for balance, apologizing and such. it is hilarious to see this person continue in their attempts to stand and fall again. the funniest part is seeing them finally give up and hold on. soooooo dejecting

4. Thanks Dr. Zizmor!!
you have not been on a nyc train if you have not seen this sign. i’m not scared of lions and tigers and bears, but i may be a little scared of vicious acne. which makes me so happy that dr. zizmor is around. i can’t remember the last time i was on a train and didn’t see the good doctor’s face. “now you can have beautiful clear skin!!”
thanks dr. zizmor!!

3. dance dance revolution
have you ever seen that person with the giant headphones going sooo hard? you overhear coldplay and see them put on their best Lionel Richie impression. i’m all about the appreciation of music but when you are putting on a concert for the entire last car on the E train, somethings gotta be done. then we have our rappers. these are the guys that are spittin the latest in mixtape lyrics headphones or not. im talkin bout ice grill, hard head bop and insert random Jae Millz verse here. its out of control and last but not least the dancers. it’s one thing to sway, one thing to bounce, and then theres this and best believe I’ve seen this and so have you:

2.PSYCHE!!
every train in new york city has homeless people. its part of the fabric that makes up our lovely system. some homeless cats are train specific. one of my favs was this dude who used to carry a bag of stuff for the homeless. im not sure if he was but i remember his scratchy voice asking us to give money to him and whatever organization he was working for, so that they could provide assistance. i think his name was eric. i digress. i remember a homeless man asking for money and seeing someone dig into their pockets as he approached. of course he thought they were reaching for him. and of course the passengers pulls out a tissue to blow their nose. i laughed in my head and maybe even a bit out loud, but i felt so so bad. its just not right. dont reach into your pockets, make direct eye contact, move akwardly unless you have intentions on giving some money. you can use the mrjeffdess technique which is to close my eyes and sneak peeks as they walk by. i may not be the biggest financial donor but i never neva evea never ever pull the psyche move

1. GETTING OFF!
let me paint you this picture. i am on the 7 train on a weekday morning and each car is way packed. As I survey the scene I see this one man engulfed in newspaper. More and more people are coming on and this joint is getting tighther. our newspaper friend is totally entrenched and surrounded. suddenly we reach queensboro plaza and then i hear some of the purest morning comedy that one could hear. in a fit of fear and anger our newspaper boy starts screamin GETTING OFF! GETTING OFF! no excuse me no pardon it was MOVE IM GETTING OFF! time is ticking and now im waiting to hear those lovely bells that will signal his doom. he’s almost there. bells ring he’s close. he’s now reached the door and shut! this dude absolutely lost it. I TOLD YOU I WAS GETTING OFF , WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! he was banging on the door straight wildin out and the entire car proceeded to lose it. i guffawed my ass off. lesson learned also know your stop!

let me know your train mishaps and moments of comedy. i didn’t even mention the naked homeless guy! till next time if you see something make fun of it!

peace.love.funk
j/d